Wednesday, August 18, 2010


So, where was I? I've been thinking about finishing this post for awhile now and I don't know if I have the right words to explain exactly how I feel.

Well, anyway we moved to Bosnia. I stayed there with my wonderful husband who tried desperately to make it feel like home, but it just never felt right. He knew after being there for six weeks without me that I probably wouldn't like it, but he hoped I would get used to it. We lived with a family, or above a family who was fairly nice. Most of them spoke English and it was okay. I just liked some of the creature comforts offered in the States. I like a shower everyday and drinking water to come out of the faucet and electric most of the time. Now I can live without these things for short periods of time and it's all good, but three weeks in the middle of summer with temperatures over 100 and I'm very cranky. To make a long story short, I left with our son to go back to the States and buy a house.

I come home and it's good. I missed my family something terrible and loved having a hot shower everyday. Right away I started looking for a house and it was all good. The paperwork turned out to pain in the arse simply because Brandon was still in Bosnia, but we had already prepared for that. So, after about 100 houses, I finally picked one and moved in. Here we are now.

Caleb and I have been here nearly six years now and Brandon has been here three years. That means he spent three years away from us in Bosnia and Iraq. While in Iraq he went to school and got a degree and I tried. I was too slow and had too much going on with being a single parent to get a degree in any sort of timely manner. I took ten classes and feel like I've learned a lot, but I'm now 28 with two kiddos and still not done with school. This is what saddens me. I've spent my entire marriage doing what a good 1960's wife would do while I want to be my own person. Sure I have done things for myself over the years, but never have I sat down and done what I need to do for me. Like I said, I'm 28 and have no real job skills and have no degree and nothing else.

While I love being married and wouldn't change the last ten years of my life for anything, but gosh darn it, it's time to spend some time and money on me.

I applied for culinary arts at the local tech college for January and what I got in the mail was annoying. I have a long to do list that needs to be done in just a few days. After making several calls and talking to lots of people, there is no way it can be done. Maybe I will start next fall. I sent a few emails to my advisor at UW-online and was told I have to reapply. I'm betting I can get everything in to start again in January, but jeez. Reapply! I already have 30something credits. What if I don't get in? I mean they told I wouldn't, but...

So how is it that I finally get the nerve up to do something for myself and this is how it turns out? Color me annoyed. I guess if you want it bad enough you'll work for it.

So here is to me wanting it bad enough.

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